dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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