why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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