I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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