Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
