i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
