things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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