My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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