We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
