Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
