hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
