he was CRYING into my vagina
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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