One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
