I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My bed smells like the plague
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
