dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
