I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
