Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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