can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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