One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
