I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
