what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
