There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
