guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
