the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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