I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need a burrito and a hug.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
