And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
