I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
