I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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