So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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