I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wish there were birth control emojis
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
