Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
