Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
