You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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