i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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