i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
did i just pee glitter
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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