I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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