well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
