all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
