New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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