you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
