you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
