I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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