I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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