just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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