Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she smelled like a LAN party
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
