Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
