where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
