im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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