Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
