vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I stole a fireplace last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
