he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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