Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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